Helge makes Lent music 7/40

February 27, 2007 at 7:36 am | Posted in Comedy, Culture, Entertainment, Film, Food, German, Lent, Posts in German | 8 Comments

LentToday I propose a combined Lent & Life post in which I declare Helge Schneider the perfect composer and performer of Lent music. Those who keep regular contact to the German language sphere will certainly know his hit single “Möhrchen” (Little Carrot) from 2003. In this song, he proposes to abstain from drugs and to have carrots instead, using the following memorable lines:

Mariejohanna is nich gut
Mariejohanna is nichte gutta
Mariejohanna is nich gut
Makt dir auch die Futte kaputt

Tuma lieba die Möhrchen
Tuma lieba die Möhrchen Mama
Mama lieba die Möhrchen
die Möhrchen aus dem Glas.*

I also love the video, for its low budget production and Helge’s acting:

The Lenten lifestyle is further propagated in his latest hit, Käsebrot (cheese sandwich), featuring a German Käsebrot, which has very little to do with a cheese sandwich actually, even though that is probably the best translation. Just like bread from the UK or US has very little to do with German bread. That’s one good thing about being German: We may not have humour, but definitely absolutely the best bread ever. Some lyrics to accompany the video (and no meat, sugar or alcohol in these either):

Käsebrot ist ein gutes Brot
Käsebrot ist ein gutes Brot
Käsebrot, Kä-Kä-Kä-Käsebrot
Sexy Sexy Popäsebrot

Liegen auf dem Tisch
Doch ein Stückchen Käse
Schmeckt auch gut zu Fisch**

I’m not so sure whether Helge Schneider is also the suitable ambassador to propagate German humour, but I cherish the idea that he is something like a weirder Weird Al Yankovich. Anyway, Helge is beyond argueing for me. Earlier this year, he played Hitler in Dani Levy’s Mein Führer: The Truly Truest Truth About Adolf Hitler which met with great expectations which it apparently didn’t meet (mainly for not being able to decide between a comic and a moralist approach). I did not see it, although my spontaneous reponse was that, if anybody could play Hitler, it would be Helge, the muttering comedian (think of Charlie Chaplin’s gibberish when he played Adenoid Hynkel in The Great Dictator). Helge also has the reputation of a top notch musician, playing the piano, saxophon, vibraphone, accordion, guitar, bass, violin, ukulele, recorder, drums, trumpet, Hammond organ, church organ and cello (and probably more. he keeps adding). I guess that also doesn’t quite come across in the examples of music above.

Helge Hitler


Maryjane isn’t good (3 times),
it ruins your brain too (or your feet, depending on the interpretation).

Rather get the carrots,
get the carrots, Mama,
Mama rather the carrots,
the carrots from the jar.

Cheese sandwich is a good sandwich (2 times)
Cheese sandwich, Che-Che-Che-Cheesesandwich
Sexy Sexy Shmeesesandwich

Lying on the table
But a piece of cheese
Goes also well with fish

“Glad I am no Asian!”

January 30, 2007 at 8:29 am | Posted in Food, Globalization | Leave a comment
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Camembert CheesePlease excuse my brief reiteration of cultural stereotypes… I just wondered whether Asians, far East Asians that is, are really not able to digest cheese or whether this was just a global legend (notice the pun? global legend as a neologism combining urban legend and globalization? ha ha!). Because I would never want to be an Asian in my next life if that meant that I would not be able to eat cheese!

There is no image of the cheese that caused my wondering, but it looked a bit like the cheese that I’ve added to this article: a mature specimen of camembert! I love camembert, but if my glands and enzymes were unable to process cheese, then that would probably be the slab that would make me puke! But as things were, it was one of the most delicious bites that I’ve had in a while. It was so moist that it nearly became liquid when I sliced it, due to its 50% of fat in milk solids, and it had the most refined, savoury-sour smell a cheese could have. There are some Europeans, too, who would rather eat the dirt under their toemails than a smelly, mouldy cheese – so how would a Japanese react? Would he feel like I would feel if someone forced me to eat a century egg (argh – see image below)?

Century egg

But I figure this equation is lopsided: The reason why this egg looks so disgusting to me is that its shape and proportions _remind_ me of an egg, and I really like eggs – but this one looks just like an egg that’s off! It looks like a f___ing, rotten, hardboiled zombie egg.

So: If Asians cannot digest milk, then plain Gouda or Edamer cheese, i.e. something not as mouldy looking, would be just as disgusting to them as my camembert. No? Anyone who knows (or who knows an Asian who did NOT grow up in the US or UK and was not exposed to cheese until an age of, say, 18) would you care letting me know? Thx a lot.

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